Thursday, October 13, 2011

Cut the Crap.......

A friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend she'd been with 8 years. I don't mind telling that's a significant multiple of time I have spent with anyone (while suppressing genocidal tendencies). And, not that the guy was any good. The first time I met him, he mad fun of her. And then he cheated on her. And he was going bald. And he used filthy language......phew.......
Still, when I talked to her last, she was in tears. She’d been that way for the last month.
Of course, its not surprising............ 8 years.....I never had 8 good days in all my 8 relationships.......... (At this point, kindly insert your condescension about my maturity in relationships into an orifice of your choice).

When I started this, it was going to be about exes. Those people you can invoke in every single prayer; be it to the God you like best (available at leading pantheons everywhere); or the forces of death and destruction that populate the blog of a 13 year old these days.

However in my research (FB quizzes), I'd thought I will have a little more meaning If I made it about a person that everybody hates and still wants to be with. Of course you want to read more about Heidi Klum, I’d like to make this about the person who moves on. Or perhaps, moving on. The sense and maybe the blasphemy of it.

Moving on, just from the relationships, but all those other things to. Those things that made you cry and wish that you hadn’t thrown out that last gift from your ex. All those small little things and all those big little things that I add up.

So, between you and me, I know that it must hurt.
I know it must feel like you’ve walked barefoot on gravel for miles on end; leaving behind footprints deep and bloody enough that one knows you must’ve been walking on your toes the entire distance.
I know that sometimes all that remains feasible is to just tell yourself to stop feeling anything at all.
Finally, I know that what hurts more is the question of what “could’ve been”. The question of finding destinations down paths not taken, of paths that now lay broken. (I’ve read your blog. You know what I mean.)

But I also know that underneath all the stifled laughter and the self applied “Cynic” tags, there’s still the idealist of 8, maybe 10 years ago. Someone who just didn’t know any better, and ironically enough, was better off for it.
Someone who was made happy by looking at kids who smiled, who danced when he didn’t know how to, who looked forward to finishing the box of chocolates so that he could buy another one.
In fact, if this someone was anything like me, I’m fairly certain all he wanted was to walk into a garden of Cherry Blossoms and watch shadows get longer.

As it stands, your pain is your own. It always has been. But it doesn’t have to be. Not for much longer.
Reach out if you can. There are always people willing to listen. Sometimes, there’re even people willing to help. If statistics are anything to go by, someone has effed’ up just like you in the past. And that nobody should let Sreesanth bowl.
Make bad jokes. It keeps you on the right side of sane. Plus, it gives the people around you the benefit of the Temporary Insanity plea at their murder trial.
Give someone a hug. I'm sure you know lots of intensely huggable people. The fact that some of them carry pepper spray really shouldn’t stop you.
Most importantly, remind yourself of the people you want to be happy for. And of those who’d rather share cheesecake than see you happy. (I find the latter helped a lot more. But I’ve led something of a sheltered existence)

Whatever you do, just keep in mind that you stand as a warrior. And as this warrior you fight demons. Demons that will not relent. Demons that will bleed a river before they yield an inch.

The warrior thinks of the times of peace. He wishes he didn’t have to fight. He is tempted by the prospect of going back to glowing mornings when the dew has not yet left. Of closing his eyes in the middle of battle to think of Cherry Blossoms shedding in a shower of pink and white. In an autumn of browns and yellows, punctuated by greens.

Yet he knows he must kill, but knows not the weight of the sword he must lift. And as it happens, the sword is heavy. It’s easier to drop than to lift. And the fight is easier to run away from than to actually stay and fight.

It seems that even when the solution is by far, the easiest thing about the whole problem, it’s the sticking to it that remains the most difficult. But then again, it also is the most important thing in the world. The warrior did plant the Cherry blossoms himself.

So lift up the sword and try it on for size. They tell me it was made for you. And they’re usually right, even when they aren’t.

The past is right there in your head. Come back to it when you feel like it (or knock yourself hard enough on your head that you don’t have to). When you do, I recommend you stand at a window and give long meaningful glances to the world outside with a glass of Sprite in your hand. But in the meantime, look at the present.
It wants you to look at it too. And give it a compliment or two. It’s a little insecure like that. But take my word for it, it makes for a great date.


  1. reminds me of the evening right before my final semester exams...i was alone, crying...missing the part of my heart that was broken n gone frevr...n someone called me up n kicked me hard...n told me to get on with life!! *winks*

    n very well written.... n yeah...the point is, relationships r fragile. should be handled with case it breaks...thr is really no other way but to move on. the consolation is that u did try to save it frm breaking. n then there is a bright new morning after each just look forward n live on. find a objective, be motivated to live...n just go ahead. u may pause but never stop.
    light n shadows go hand in hand...accept the shadows of ur past in ur sunny present n move on! :)

  2. Tor comment ta e ekta blog hoye jete paare!!! And God help the person who kicked you!!!

  3. by "relationship"...i mean any relationship....friendship, family, relatives, bf/gf...any n all.

  4. @krish :P :P :P ...ami personal blog lekha te interest paina ajkal re. suggest me blogging ideas toh.

  5. Anything we write will become personal!! We are all writing from our personal experience..... Ami ideas khuje paaina, toke ki debo!!!

  6. Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life.... :-) very well scripted piece :-) keep up the good work

  7. ami justmone korte chai na. he never deserved me..byas!