The World Says Move On And I Ask , How?

When a relationship fails—especially between two individuals—unexpected events unfold. This is so because when a relationship is blooming, neither of the two parties bother to prepare themselves for the period when either of them would have to do without the other person in question.

That scenario is never entertained. In fact, a mere mention of the possibility of such a happenstance is considered a jinx. The fear of a relationship breaking up at seams is so high that when it actually takes place, we are scared beyond reality and scarred beyond imagination. It's quite palpable that not both the parties would have the same inclination towards each other. One of the two would very well—like they love to say nowadays—"move on" in style although that's something I'm yet to grasp.

How can people move on? Especially when you've invested time, energy and the potion called love into one person for an interesting amount of time. Especially when a piece of you is left in that person who has apparently moved on and you're supposed to move on from. Especially when it felt so real and eternal.

Maybe that's why it hurts one fine evening when you weren't expecting the memories to flood in. Because you thought you were done. Surprise, surprise! You never were and you never will be. That's not how a human heart works. We are animals, yes, but we are not the kind that takes a life for granted. We are the ones who look into each other's eyes and synchronize heartbeat. I shudder to imagine how it'd feel like when two heartbeats are out of sync.

A letter to innocence(not quite)

Dear me@16,

This letter will reach you just before you hit the worst time of your life. But it’s alright, as you won’t be this young ever and you will grow up quicker than you will realize. And one day, 7 years down the line, you will find yourself writing a blog about how you could have done things differently. At that moment, you will be short of words while being busy of finding better excuses.

I understand you are not sure about what you want to do with life. Chill……You are not the only human blessed with the superpower of indecisiveness. All around you are confused, they just pretend that they know the roadmap you must take. At this point, you might be confused about what to take, science or arts. Take arts. You are way too awesome for science and math, and way too good to have a *secured* future. Accept it; you are ‘head over heels’ in love with History and Literature, and you are a closet philosopher.

Pay attention to what I am saying as I reckon you don’t listen to anyone. I know you better than anybody ever will, moron. At this point, you might be basking in the glory of being termed ‘cute’ by girls. Here is a reality check; you will be quite a disaster, when it come to relationships. Disaster is a small word, you will be catastrophic. I am going to assure you, it won’t be for the lack of trying. You will be having a string of “relationships” (I won’t give you the number, you will become giddy) but none of them will work out. Here is a small advice from your wiser self, show a lit bit more patience with a few girls; it will pay-off eventually (hopefully). You are Gemini; you will always have a way with words but show a little bit more patience.

Spend more time with your father; he won’t be around for too long now. Appreciate the man that he is and share everything with him. Somewhere down the line, you’ll realize that he is your best friend and will always remain like that. You will still shed tears for him, even seven years down the line.

Look after yourself. You are already quite heavy (that won’t stop you from having the girls), workout, run, swim, do anything that will tone you done. A back problem is coming up, so be prepared.  Get in touch with your old friends, coz you will turn out to be someone who will keep losing friends. Learn to make friends, you will need it. Send a common “thank you” letter to all your teachers and tell them what they meant to you (yes, even to the ones you hate or vice-verse). You are not as bad a poet. You could have been worse but don’t give up the art of penning down lines (or typing down words). Keep scribbling. Learn how to play the guitar (I know it’s an old ambition) and please, take singing classes, you do have a good voice. Don’t remain a glorified bathroom singer. Enjoy the Durga Puja as much as you want right now because a time will come when Durga Puja will stop being exciting for you. You must be wondering, ‘this is not the swinging 20’s that I am imagining about’. Nope, it isn’t. You can imagine how you will turn out when you will cancel weekend dates for a particular Football club you support. I won’t spoil the fun for you anymore.

Enough of lame advices! Moreover, there’s no point in talking sense into you anyway.

No matter how much I try, nothing will change. You will commit the same mistakes I did. You’ll learn the same lessons that I learned and finally turn out to be Me@23. It’ll be a fun ride, though at some points you will feel otherwise. Trust me; it won't be that bad. And the one fine morning (1.30 AM), you’ll write what you are reading right now and commend yourself for having an active memory. Like they say, it’s all written……in destiny or on my blog.

Your very own,

Me@23

Love And Fraandship In The Time Of Facebook

Relationships are tricky in real life. Real Life is already complicated and it is getting increasing difficult to understand in guys and girls really mean when they say something. For example girl says 'yes; when she means 'no' and guy says 'yes/no/maybe' but means 'can I get laid?' Thankfully, there are enough experts, from Dr D.K.Lodh to Ashmit Patel, to help us understand what it all means.

But what happens when relationships, love and friendship go on Facebook? In reality, these days I don't give a shit but there was a time when rejecting a girl's friends request was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.......hard. But fear not there are still some retards who think they can get laid through facebook. Lets see a case study:

When a random person from the opposite sex on Facebook adds you:
What it means for single girl: Ooh, one more friend on Facebook.. yay, now I have 678 friends! I beat *random evil girl*
What it means for single guy: WOO HOO!!!!! This chick likes me, this chick likes me!! *Does vulgar Anil Kapoor Oscar speech dance*
What it means for committed girl: Ooh, one more friend on Facebook.. yay, now I have 678 friends! I beat *random evil girl*
What it means for committed guy: WOO HOO!!!! Girls STILL want me! Oooh I'm so hot and happenin' baby! *Dances like Justin Bieber in ‘Baby baby baby'*
When a person from opposite sex changes Relationship Status to ‘Single':
What it means for single girl: Awww
What it means for single guy: *Immediately comments* (In sympathetic tone) Heyyyy… I'm so sorry to hear that. What happened with your boyfriend? I hope you are alright. My number is 912345678, you should call me if you are sad and need someone to talk to. Please take care, please. I can't see you hurt. (*Thinking: REBOUND SEX, REBOUND SEX, REBOUND SEX FTW!!*)
What it means for committed girl: Awww
What it means for committed guy: ANOTHER girl's single now!! What the hell!! When I was single EVERYONE was with someone else! This is SO unfair!! Why does it always happen to me!! I hate life. I HATE life. I H-A-T-E life. F**k this s**t. !@#$
When a new, sexy profile pic of the opposite sex pops up on the ‘wall':
What it means for single girl: Ooh, I should change my profile pic too! It's been so long since the last time I updated… today morning. Hmm, which one should I put? The one where my hair is on my face and people can only see that bit of me that looks pretty? Or the one where I look super sexy but it's nothing like how I am in real life? Or wait, I think I should just put photos of my feet. They are so pwetty! *Changes pic*
What it means for single guy: Woah, sexy pic, yaar! Yaar, this girl is so hot. I wish she was going out with me. I wish I was not single. I wish I had sex with someone besides my hand. Should I comment on it? What if she thinks I am desperate? I AM desperate but what if that becomes obvious? Maybe I should not comment on the pic, she's already fraandship with my Facebook, I don't want to spoil that relationship. (Thinks a lot more) *Likes pic, to play it safe*
What it means for commited girl: Ooh, I should change my profile pic too! It's been so long since the last time I updated… today morning. Hmm, which one should I put? The one where my hair is on my face and people can only see that bit of me that looks pretty? Or the one where I look super sexy but it's nothing like how I am in real life? Or wait, I think I should just put photos of my feet. They are so pwetty! *Changes pic*
What it means for committed guy: Niiiiice! I bet I'd have got her if I'd have been single. Dammit, I'm not single :(. No one night stands for me :(. I hate life :(. I wish I was in America, people there are so open-minded, they don't mind multiple partners also. India SUCKS. Life SUCKS. Commitment SUCKS. *Starts crying*
When a person from opposite sex compliments you on your new profile pic
What it means for single girl: *Giggles to herself* Yay, another comment! Total of 26 comments now, I'm popular! *Polishes her tiara*
What it means for single guy: Score! I'm going to get LAID!!! Finally!!!!
What it means for commited girl: *Giggles to herself* Yay, another comment! Total of 26 comments now, I'm popular! *Polishes her tiara*
What it means for committed guy: She's TOTALLY into me! Aaja meri gaadi mein baith ja, baby. Man, I wish I didn't have a girlfriend! (Pause) Oh fuck, my girlfriend's going to read this! What do I do now!! I'm screwed!! I mean.. I won't be now :(
And finally, if you are having trouble making sense of all this brilliant advice we have doled out, here's what you do next:
If you are a single girl: Share this article with your friends (and STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF YOUR FEET on your profile)
If you are a single guy: Share this article with your friends (and stop stalking girls online – ultimately, arranged marriage is there na, you'll still get sex!)
If you are a committed girl: Share this article with your friends (and forgive your boyfriend… it's not his fault, he was born like that… a GUY)
If you are a committed guy: Share this article with your friends (and make sure your girlfriend doesn't read it)